This was inspired by a recent bit on the Opie & Anthony show, where they were listening to older (and wackier) recordings of themselves. Once Opie started ranting about how he wanted to kill/injure "Young Opie" and yelling "GET ME A TIME MACHINE", I couldn't resist.
TRANSCRIPTION COURTESY OF JOSEPH HOUK - [The set of The Opie & Anthony show in 2008; they're listening to a clip of Opie from 1991] (Gregg "Opie" Hughes, in the old clip) "Lalalalalaaa! Good morning Bearman!" (Anthony Cumia) "You sounded so Wackzeenerific back then, Opie!" (Jim Norton) "What a DOPE!" (Modern-day OH) "Uggh... I so want to kill the younger Opie, just go back and beat myself senseless... GET ME A TIME MACHINE!" (AC, over the XM Radio) "Let's say hi to Cassie from Dallas!" (CW on the phone) "Hey Opie, I think I can help you out there..." [1991, the broadcast booth of 103.3 The Fox in Buffalo] (younger Opie) " LalalalalaaaAAAAAHHH!" (older Opie) "AAAARGH! DIE! DIE YOU FUCKING EMABARRASSMENT!!!" (Random bystander, to a TV crew...) "...And they was givin' the man UPS. I though the man was dead!" (older Opie, to CW) "What the... I got a huge scar on my face now!" (CW) "Yyyeah... That's what happens when you mutilate your past self..."